Red Hot Momma is Moving!

Red Hot Momma now has a new home!

RedHotMomma.net

All future posts will be at my new site.  Check my blog roll and see if you are there.  In the process of moving some links may have been accidentally left out. If you want to be added- just leave a comment and your link. 

Please drop by the new site and let me know you found me! Thanks for reading!

10 questions you should never answer truthfully

The following list is just for fun.  Do not send the Red Hot Momma hate mail over it! 🙂

1.  Do you think I should loose some weight?

2.  What do you really think about my mom?

3.  Would you be happier if I looked like ____?

4.  Who gave you the best kiss you ever got?

5.  Our waitress was hitting on you! Didn’t you notice?

6.  Is there anything I could do to improve my looks?

7.  Would you rather watch t.v. or talk about our relationship?

8.  Want to watch the Science channel for the next seven hours with me?

9.  Do you wish I made more money?

10.  Should we have more foreplay?  🙂

Pet Names

Nearly every couple I know uses “pet names” of some sort for each other.  I think, in general, it’s cute.  But as with all things cute, too much will kill you.  The following are too cute to use when company is over. 

1.  Daddy/Mommy –  If your spouse is not your biological parent, please don’t act as such.  If your spouse is your parent, start your own blog.  Immediately.

2. Pumpkin/Squash/Carrott – Really?  No, don’t tell us.  We do NOT want to know.

3.  Big Man/ Little Mama – Unless this is your CB handle, um..no.  Breaker. Breaker.

4.  Toot/Poot –  We can figure it out on our own. Thanks.  

5.  Lover- Eww.  We get it. You have “relations”.  Congratulations.

6.  Jelly Belly/Big Bertha-  Okay, these just sound insulting.  Get therapy.

7.  Pookie/ Snookums/ Fuzzy Kitten- PUH LEEZ!  Somebody grab me an epi pen! STAT!

8.  Tater Tot/ Oyster/ Ham Bone/ Pork Chop/ Cornbread-   Just… No. 

9.  Little Girl/ Baby Girl-  These are the catch phrases of the creepy people who end up on that Dateline show “To Catch a Predator”.

10.  Hot Stuff/ Hot Thing-  If your spouse is currently on fire, go ahead.  Otherwise? Cool it! (Pun intended)

The Secret to Hot Monogamy

Red Hot Mommas and Red Hot Daddies aren’t always, well.. um..RED HOT.  It happens. To the best of us. Work, stress, money, lack of money, bills, extended family issues and children- they all can culminate in a complete theft of ones libido. Or worse yet, the loss of both libidos. 

No one sees it coming.  It just happens.  Slowly.  Insidiously.  We get too tired or mad to keep making much of an effort anymore.  Tragedy strikes or an extended illness sets up shop in your home.  Surviving takes precidence over romance.  If this is where you are at in your marriage I say to you, “Welcome Friend! You are normal. It happens.  Now do something about it.”   

Before you haul out the Victoria’s Secret catalog, I want to tell you something.  Lingerie won’t work.  In fact you could both wear it at the same time, if that is how you roll.  No judgement. It still won’t work.  It might seem to for a while, but it’s just a quick fix.  Not a cure. Quicker than you can max out your credit card- you’re back in the same boring boat.

So what is the secret to staying HOT?  Ready?  Brace yourselves!  The secret to an incredible sex life is…PRAYER!  Wait a minute!  Who groaned?   I am serious.  In fact I am not only a member of the Bedroom Prayer Club- I am also a customer!  (Just a little Hair Club for Men Joke)  So are my friends!

I have seen first hand the power of prayer turn friends marriages from “roomate” status to “Honeymooners” almost over night.  Issues that couples had struggled with a few months, some even for many years, were no match for the earnest prayer of spouses.  In fact, usually it was only one spouse who was willing to put their marriage into God’s hands.  Marriages that were once teetering on the brink of divorce have become passionate and functional. 

I know some of you out there are a little bit freaked out right now.  It’s okay.  Breathe.  God loves you.  Every single part of you.  There is nothing going on in your life or bed that he doesn’t care about.  I mean, HE knows what you need better than you do.  Trust HIM with this area of your life too.  You have nothing to loose.  Everything to gain.

Thank you friends!

Thank you all so much for nominating Amanda Sanders Blog and Red Hot Momma for a Christian BloggerAward. Both blogs are finalists! I am so honored you took the time to vote for me! I also want to thank Theobloggers for hosting the awards. Thank you! Thank you!

There are many talented bloggers nominated, please vote for whomever you wish. Please just vote! If you can make it for the Tulsa Workshop, come by for the Bloggers Luncheon. Thanks again! 🙂

What you should know about your spouse

I found this list on the Family Dynamics Institute website today.  The list was suggested as a starting point for intimacy in marriage.  What would you add as an essential “Must Know”?

1. Birthday _____________________________________________

2. Birth City _____________________________________________

3. Favorite Color _________________________________________

4. Favorite College Team ___________________________________

5. Favorite Bible Story _____________________________________

6. Favorite Season of the Year ______________________________

7. Favorite Food __________________________________________

8. Favorite Drink __________________________________________

9. Favorite Restaurant _____________________________________

10. Favorite TV show ______________________________________

11. Anniversary Date ______________________________________

12. Dream Place to Visit ___________________________________

13. Favorite City __________________________________________

14. Favorite Song/Singer/Band ______________________________

15. Prays for often ________________________________________

16. Favorite Cartoon Character ______________________________

17. Favorite Bible Character ________________________________

18. Favorite Vacation Spot _________________________________

19. Carries Tension in this Body Area _________________________

20. Favorite Movie _________________________________________

Don’t ask, don’t tell?

While discussing some friends’ marital woes recently, this Red Hot Momma found that there is appears to be a wide gender gap regarding adultery.  More specifically, the aftermath.  The Mr. and I were out running errands when the marital woes of some acquaintancescame up.  They were in the process of a messy split over an affair.  Although, I personally believe that an affair is the result of a marriage that is already suffering, there is no denying the seal-the-deal nature of straying. His one time infidelity, and subsequent confession, had plunged his entire family into turmoil. Divorce seems imminent.

This dear reader is the part where you start to squirm.  While listening to the Mr. describe the misery of the entire family, I said if an affair is over and done, maybe it would be best if the cheated spouse never knew.  I was thinking of the poor soul who was unaware that the marriage bed had been soiled, so to speak.  I talked of sparing the loved one pain and living with the bone crushing guilt in silence.  Vowing and becoming a better spouse with a renewed marriage.  Happily ever after.

 Not so for Mr. Red Hot.  He nearly drove right off the road while listening to my meandering justification of keeping mum on an infidelity.  Even after adding the following caveats:

1.  Must have been a one time encounter.

2.  Must have been purely physical.  No “But I was in love!” business.

3.  Must not have been public knowledge. 

4.  Must not have resulted in creation of human life.

5.  Must have ended amicably and most important, mutually.

6.  I couldn’t think of anymore.  However, I reserved the right to add in defense of argument.

Mr. Red Hot was furious.  A state he rarely attains without my help. 🙂  He began a rapid fire assassination of my feeble reasons for not sharing.  This was vital information I was withholding here.  (“Hypothetically!” I interjected.)  Of course, one would tell. There was no choice.  Fess up.  Pay for play.  If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime and lot’s of other tired cliches.  Point taken.  Adultery is a deal breaker.

Now before you leave the computer to go hunt for stones to throw, I would like to remind everyone that this was an offhand comment made while chewing gum and looking out the window sale signs on storefronts.  (Thinking before I speak is not exactly this Hot Momma’s strong suit.)  Still, the voracity of Mr. Red Hot’s condemnation surprised me.  So, I am going to open up a can of worms here by asking for your takes on withholding information about an affair.

A few ground rules:  Adultery is bad.  Don’t even try to defend it because I will just delete those comments. After all this is my blog. 🙂   Don’t personally attack anyone.  It’s just for fun.

Creative ways to dodge the issue

Here are some creative ways to dodge “that” conversation with your spouse.  You know, the subject that always leads to a fight. Come on, I know you’ve got one…or three.  🙂  

1.  “Why is it so hot in here?  Is it hot in here to you?”

2.  “I love making out with you!  Wait, what were we talking about?”

3.  “I would love for you to buy a motorcycle.  Have I ever told you that?”

4.  “This one time when I was seven I got lost in the woods.  There was a bear following me.  I was so scared I couldn’t breathe.  So I started running and running and suddenly-  Well, that’s not important now.  The surgery fixed everything.” 

5.  “You make me so happy.  I just wanted you to know.  Go ahead with what you were saying.”

6.  “Could I hold your hand for a minute?”

7.  “Wow. Have you lost weight?”

8.  “Have you been working out?”

9.  “Let’s hug for five minutes, then talk.  Okay?”

10.  “I smell something burning!”

the best way to relax

Did anyone see this report about kissing?  Click here!  Absolutely the best way to relax after a long day apart!

Romance

My husband is not romantic in the traditional sense. He is not wired that way. Since I have had the pleasure of being the object of his affection since we were twelve years old, I can personally attest to the fact that he has always been this way.  I thought, as young silly girls do, that I would change all of that.  I would turn him into a Casanova on a Triumph.  (That was his motorcycle at the time) It was just a matter of time…

Fast forward eighteen disappointing years later.  After crying, nagging and pouting, I am embarrassed to admit, that I finally realized my definition of romance needed to change.  Starting from scratch I through out my notions of what romance was and looked at what romance can be.  Romance in my mind looked nothing like romance to my husband.  Vice versa. We are simply completely opposite.  I am a walking encyclopedia of romantic gestures. Mr. Red Hot is a digital library of diesel mechanics.   Hespeaks in binary code and I speak in Latin. Not really, but you get the idea.

Red Hot Momma’s have to adjust their thinking sometimes.  My new definition of romance became anything he did to make my life more comfortable or safer.  Like checking the air in my tires before I drive my car, even though the car lets me know if my tires are low.  Keeping the kids quiet when I am sleeping in.  Getting up with the kids in the middle of the night, if they are sick.  Throwing a load of laundry in to wash.  Sorting that horrendous basket of 189 unmatched white socks.  Cooking a meal or two on his days off work.  Always taking the boys with him, even if he is just going outside to work.  Offering to watch the kids so I can have a break.  Romance is a expression of love.  By doing these things for me, he is expressing his love.  Therefore being romantic.

When I started accepting these acts of love as romance, a funny thing happened.  He started buying me flowers.  For no reason.  Just because I love them.  So, all of my efforts to make him romantic, just made him miserable.  By appreciating what he does do for me, I freed him to be “romantic”.  I suppose romance is truly just appreciation.  What do you think?