This is a list many of you have seen before. It was originally posted as 18 ways to turn a man off. Since I am still sick and thus uninspired, I am re-posting the list with a few more additions.
1. Ask him, “Do you think I am fat?”. Repeat at least seven times per day.
2. Insist that he wear only the clothes you buy for him. Especially chenille sweaters. Lovely.
3. Take him with you to buy new couch pillows. Spend eight hours choosing the perfect ones. Decide in the checkout line you’d rather buy new curtains. Return home empty handed. Once home, ask him to go back to the store and buy the curtains.
4. Question his taste in friends at least twice a week.
5. Sigh. Disgustedly. Often.
6. Look lovingly at him and ask, “What are you thinking about?”
7. Expect his response to be, “You, dear. Only you.”
8. Assume he knows why you are angry.
9. When he asks what is wrong with you, say, “Nothing.”
10. At least once a week, during prime time television, tell him you’d like to talk about your “feelings”.
11. Tell your friends every detail of your marriage. Tell your man what your friends said.
12. Always assume that unless you tell him to do something, he will not do what needs to be done.
13. Call him Pumpkin, Sugar Daddy, or Big Boy in front of his friends and co-workers.
14. Tell his boss that he’s really a big softy and cried during Titanic.
15. Talk about your “cycle”.
16. Obsess over all his ex-girlfriends.
17. Talk about the kids during foreplay.
18. Take EVERYTHING personally.
19. Tell him he would look so sexy if he would just loose his table muscle/burrito belly.
20. Grow the hair out on your legs until it is soft and wavy. Then ask him to pick whose legs are hairier.
21. Get mad when he says, “Yours!”
22. Cry. A lot.
23. Tell him all the ways he could improve.
24. Focus on his flaws.
25. Ask him if you have any flaws. Yell and scream and pout when he says, “YES!”
26. Hang out with his friends more than he does.
27. Say, “Why don’t you make more money?”
28. Grimmace when he suggests making love.
29. Treat him like a child.
You tell me what #30 should be. Just keep it PG-13! Enjoy!