The Secret to Hot Monogamy

Red Hot Mommas and Red Hot Daddies aren’t always, well.. um..RED HOT.  It happens. To the best of us. Work, stress, money, lack of money, bills, extended family issues and children- they all can culminate in a complete theft of ones libido. Or worse yet, the loss of both libidos. 

No one sees it coming.  It just happens.  Slowly.  Insidiously.  We get too tired or mad to keep making much of an effort anymore.  Tragedy strikes or an extended illness sets up shop in your home.  Surviving takes precidence over romance.  If this is where you are at in your marriage I say to you, “Welcome Friend! You are normal. It happens.  Now do something about it.”   

Before you haul out the Victoria’s Secret catalog, I want to tell you something.  Lingerie won’t work.  In fact you could both wear it at the same time, if that is how you roll.  No judgement. It still won’t work.  It might seem to for a while, but it’s just a quick fix.  Not a cure. Quicker than you can max out your credit card- you’re back in the same boring boat.

So what is the secret to staying HOT?  Ready?  Brace yourselves!  The secret to an incredible sex life is…PRAYER!  Wait a minute!  Who groaned?   I am serious.  In fact I am not only a member of the Bedroom Prayer Club- I am also a customer!  (Just a little Hair Club for Men Joke)  So are my friends!

I have seen first hand the power of prayer turn friends marriages from “roomate” status to ”Honeymooners” almost over night.  Issues that couples had struggled with a few months, some even for many years, were no match for the earnest prayer of spouses.  In fact, usually it was only one spouse who was willing to put their marriage into God’s hands.  Marriages that were once teetering on the brink of divorce have become passionate and functional. 

I know some of you out there are a little bit freaked out right now.  It’s okay.  Breathe.  God loves you.  Every single part of you.  There is nothing going on in your life or bed that he doesn’t care about.  I mean, HE knows what you need better than you do.  Trust HIM with this area of your life too.  You have nothing to loose.  Everything to gain.

Sick Momma

I am a sick red hot momma. Been sick since Friday in fact. I have drug myself from couch to bed to kid activities and then finally the doctor’s office today.  But that is not where this post is going…

This morning while taking the puppy outside for a potty break, I began to really feel sorry for myself.  My illness combined with the cold outdoor air and the fact that our dog that is a diva who refuses to poop in wet grass came crushing down on me. (Mrs. Red Hot is always susceptible to a pity party when ill)  I mean, here I was…sick…outside in the cold…waiting for the dog to poop…without looking her in the eye.  Like I said, she is a diva.  Poor me!

As I stepped back into the house, the overwhelming scent of poop nearly knocked me down.  What on earth was making my house smell like a refugee camp latrine?  Three feet outside our bathroom was a pair of pajama bottoms.  Followed by a shirt.  With poop all over it.  The door leading to the repugnant smell stood half open.  I broke out in a cold sweat.  Whatever lay on the opposite side of the door would scar me forever.  I just sensed it.  After taking a slow, not so deep breath, I stepped into the bathroom.

When the human mind is faced with a reality that it finds too gruesome to process, images come into consciousness in slow motion.  Image 1- Poop covered toilet seat.  Empty.  Image 2- blue beach towel wrapped around toilet base.  Poop splattered.  Image 3- formerly white wash cloths. Now zebra striped. Image 4- preschooler.  Toilet papered.  Poop smeared. 

I gasped.  Regretting it immediately.  I stood in the middle of a what appeared to be a crime scene.  Something had gone terribly wrong in this bathroom.  I felt as though I would faint, but decided not too.  It was impossible to avoid hitting excrement.  “Son. What happened?” I said, calmly.  “Well…I really don’t know.” he explained.  “Something bad.”  I had to agree with him. 

I wanted to cry.  Scream.  Rail against the unfairness of being a mom.  A parent.  But instead I felt a peace settle over me.  A peace that could only come from above.  I looked at my son.  Covered in crap.  Standing in the middle of a huge stinking mess. Humiliated.  Desperately needing mercy. All because he tried to fix things his own way.  I’ve been there.   

As I helped him scrub off in the shower, the irony of the situation was not lost on me.  How many times has the Father scooped me up, cleansed me, and took care of the mess I had made?  Too many to count. 

I found myself feeling much less pitiful. In fact, pretty grateful.  Realizing just how much I have been forgiven and loved by the Father. Which turned out to come in handy because my three year old came crashing into the bathroom yelling “MOM!  The dog just POOPED in my room.”

Red Hot Momma’s don’t let a little crap ruin their days…but a lot of crap can certainly put a damper on it!

No

NO. 

It is so simple to write. But saying it, well, that’s a whole other ballgame. Isn’t it?  I mean, there is always someone who needs something from us. Our time. Our money. Our skills.  Our money, time, and skills. For good causes. Church, charity, kids organizations, etc.  For some reason, no one else can or will fulfill the task, it seems.  So it falls to us. Even though, there is just no way we have the energy.  Or patience.  Or time to do one more thing. It is just part of being a ”good” Christian woman to be overbooked, overworked and over stressed. Right? Busy, busy, busy…

No.

No, no. Go ahead.  Say it out loud.  “No”.  

We are exhausted.  Frazzled.  A little bit bitter. With good reason!  No one can do everything that we have heaped upon our plates.  No one. When we are booked solid, day in day out, there is no time to recharge.  No time to reflect.  No time for GOD.  Now, let’s be clear.  Working for GOD is not the same as having a relationship with HIM.  I know, that hurts.  I struggle with this myself. I haven’t always been able to say “No”.  It is a skill that I have just acquired in the last few years.  With GOD’s help. 

I was one of those bitter “nice people” you always see working away.  Do for others what you will not do for yourself.  That was my motto.  Whatever needed to be done, I did it with smile on my face.  Yes, please sign me up for Toddler, Nursery and Infant care duty at Church!  VBS teacher?  Absolutely.  Children’s church worker? Yes.  Organize the church Christmas party? Sure.  Be class mother for preschool? Okay.  Not to mention the socks that needed sorting.  Noses and rear ends that needed wiped at home.   

There was so much time spent “doing good” that I was left with no time to just be me. To be with GOD. That was bad. One cannot give what one doesn’t have.  Eventually, I got sick.  Really sick.  Bed ridden for months.  While my body recovered, my soul did too.  It was amazing. I wasn’t working.  I was sitting.  I was quiet and listening.  Resting in HIM, with HIM.  I was “doing” less for GOD than I have ever done, and I have never felt closer to HIM. (Be still and know that I am GOD.  Anyone?) We made the leap from work acquaintances to committed relationship.  And we are still going strong.

So this is the Red Hot Momma challenge of the week- Say “No.”

Say no to more, do less.  Rest in Him.  Try it for a week.  Let me know how it goes.

The Power of One

I am going to go out on a limb here with the following statement.  I think most of us drag around some toxic baggage from our parents.  It could be a negative perspective, self defeating thought patterns or a tendency to abuse our bodies. 

Often when we see these unhealthy habits in our own lives, we can trace them back generations in our families.  For example, you hate your body….Your mom was always on a diet…Your grandma always complained about the size of her rear end….and so it goes. It is obvious that a change must come.  But there is so much dysfunction, where do we begin?   

If you struggle with ”inherited” bagage.  Behaviors you do not want to pass down to your children and their children.  I want to encourage you. You are not alone in this battle to live the life the Father has intended for you. You have power. Knowlege and determination.  You are not a mindless drone.  Continuing with damaging choices just because “that’s the way Mom always did it..”. 

You can do whatever it takes to be healthy. You are brave, because the Father will make you brave.  You are strong, because HE will provide the strength required to change your life. You have power as one, thanks to the power of the ONE.  Your decedents will inherit from you life skills that will bring joy and peace.  Not pain.  Your legacy will be one of beauty.  Not ugliness.

Love Your Body

I want you to love your body.  Really, truly love it.  (If you already do, congratulations! Go grab a latte.  If not… If you blushed…shuddered when you read the first sentence, keep going. ) 

Why do I want you to love your body?  Because GOD does. That’s right.  GOD loves your body.  HE looks at you and sees a beautiful miracle.  HIS chosen child.  Created by HIM.  For HIS pleasure.  I want you to see yourself through the only eyes that matter, GOD’s.

You and I have human eyes.  Fallible.  Eyes that automatically see what is wrong with our bodies. Not what is right.  We are a visual culture.  Everywhere we look there are images of unattainable and impractical “beauty”.  ”Looks”, we are told,” are everything.  And yours just don’t measure up.”

We berate ourselves and often, each other.  Maybe we have arms that sway in the wind.  Bellies that make it through the doorway before we do.  Thighs that rub together so furiously that small fires break out. It doesn’t matter.  It is not our job to judge our bodies.  Love, honor and care for.  Yes.  Degrade and abuse.  No. 

So here is my challenge to you, ask GOD to help you love your body.  Love it like HE does.  See it for what it truly is- a masterpiece designed by a loving Creator.